A God of Risk

Throwback to finding this quote in an old book in a random library during my first solo camping trip…

“Dreams are the source of much of the new thinking, new convictions, new power in the world. They send the adventurous out on uncharted seas, dangerous seas, and it is danger, not security, which develops strength in mind and spirit.” 

While reflecting on this quote, I’ve realized that when I’ve stepped into the unknown is when I’ve become more of who I truly am. It forced me to learn more about myself and it is where I’ve grown the most.

Stepping away from security pushes you, and tests you, but strengthens you so much. Then it strengthens you to step out even further next time. And this, this is growth.

We can think about this in so many different areas of our life. Our physical health, our spiritual health, even our mental health. For me, my mental health has improved the most when I’ve taken little risks.

This became apparent to me after my first solo camping trip. This was years ago, and my mental health was not in good shape at that time. I wasn’t able to drive much as my anxiety would cause my legs to shake a ton. But I felt like I had to do something about all this crippling anxiety and depression, so I drove 45 minutes to Taylor’s Falls and went camping by myself. I DROVE. By myself. To somewhere I had never driven before. (Now I know it doesn’t sound that adventurous but this was a HUGE accomplishment for me at the time). It was sooo good for my mental health to be alone in nature for a weekend and I’m so glad God gave me the graces to step out on that little, yet life changing adventure. I learned how to be on my own, solve little hiccups along the trip, and even learned to enjoy my own company. And not simply enjoy it… but truly fall in love with the solitude of being on my own. This all happened after a very difficult breakup, and in a weird way it showed me that I was going to be okay on my own. That being single was actually going to be a very good thing for me. My outlook on life even changed pretty drastically because of this little camping trip. I didn’t feel like I was completely helpless or hopeless anymore. I felt excited for life and for what was to come of it – and I hadn’t felt that way in a very, very long time. I became much more confident in who I was and what I could do. And because of the confidence that I gained from 2 days, I was able to step out even further the next time…

The next time the Lord called me out of my comfort zone was when I made the decision to attend the University of Mary. It was the best decision I’ve ever made, yet it was the hardest. I was terrified about attending college, especially one in a different state. I was moving to an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, to learn about a subject I knew almost nothing about. With my knowledge of the way the Lord works in risk because of that camping trip, I was able to listen to the Lord’s calling above all of my fears, and I moved into a studio apartment by myself for the next 2 years. I truly felt like I was stepping out into the dark with nothing but God’s voice calling me. Yet I grew the most I ever have in the two years I was there and I’m forever grateful for that. I grew spiritually, mentally, and emotionally in so many ways it would take a book to write it all down.

As I’m writing this, a song comes to mind – Captain, by Hillsong United. I listened to this song on repeat while I was discerning whether or not to attend the University of Mary…

“Through waters uncharted my soul will embark, I’ll follow your voice straight into the dark.”

One thing I’ve learned for sure – the Lord truly does great works in risk. He pulls you out of fear, complacency, and the mundane to reveal to you what you’re truly capable of. And you are capable of sooo much more than you think.

Living a life of risk has a basis in our spiritual, as well as psychological well being. It is only in risk and stepping out into the unknown that we can truly engage and grow in this life, with of course still having the things that keep us grounded, such as family, friends, routine, etc. Psychologist Jordan Peterson explains in his book, 12 Rules for Life, about this balance between order and chaos, peace and risk, that is necessary for human development and flourishment.

“Order is not enough. You can’t just be stable, and secure, and unchanging, because there are still vital and important new things to be learned. Nonetheless, chaos can be too much. You can’t long tolerate being swamped and overwhelmed beyond your capacity to cope while you are learning what you still need to know. Thus, you need to place one foot in what you have mastered and understood and the other in what you are currently exploring and mastering. Then you have positioned yourself where the terror of existence is under control and you are secure, but where you are also alert and engaged. That is where there is something new to master and some way that you can be improved. That is where meaning is to be found.”

I’m now in a brand new stage in life – college grad. I have a full time job as a real estate photographer, a side gig I’m starting up as a portrait photographer, and I just got a second job as the faith formation program coordinator at the Nativity of Our Lord in St. Paul. While I’m extremely excited about this new stage in life, it’s already proven to come with difficulties. I am honestly pretty darn scared of what the next few years may hold, but I’m so looking forward to the adventures it will come with and the growth that will in turn follow. I know the Lord will present me with more opportunities that look risky to me, but with my experiences in seeing how He so greatly works through these kinds of opportunities, I will hopefully be able to step out and face the unknowns with confidence and trust in the Lord.

Lord, I don’t know where you’re leading me, but give me the courage to step out boldly into the dark of the unknown and take on the adventure of where you are calling me in this stage of my life. Thank you for the dreams and passions you have placed on my heart – help me to use them for Your Kingdom. 

“Jesus my Captain my souls trusted Lord, All my allegiance is rightfully Yours.”